I'm Nefarious's new minion?
by Taydr
Summary: What do you get with a crazy robot, a gamer girl, and the adventure of a life time? I don't know, but Xav is about to find out! Rewrite of my first R&C fanfic; M for language and whatever else. Come read! n.n and review of course
1. I'm a Squishie, thank chu

**A/N: Hii~ Welcome to the new, and improved, "Document" which was a poor name for the fanfiction of mine for Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal. A ... very poor.. name.. extremely... yeah.. ahaha... anyways. I guess maybe xD a long time later, it might prove to be the charm and fix I needed cause I kind of sucked and screwed up character personalities in the previous one... cause.. yeah... I guess I didn't quite grip some things. I don't know. But anyways!**

**Let me welcome you to this one! Which ... I dunno what to call it, so it'll remain 'Document: My Life in a Video Game' until further notice, and I would like to hear some suggestions before I just name it after a song on my MP3 player; please, I don't want to do that. And I don't want it to remain having the same name as the previous version, so let's not shall we? **

**And I start this one off with... I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OF R&C. ANY OF THEM. I own Xavier (the renamed JJ) and her younger piss-ass brother. Period. XD and of course anything that isn't related or in the original R&C: Up your arsenal, is also mine. And! I have not played the first two games (R&C and R&C: Going Commando). So please, don't cut me up over something from those two games that is somehow in UYA because I don't know what they are, thus being, leave me be. XD**

**Now, let's begin!**

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"Come on come on come on..."

"Shut the fucking hell up! I'm working on it!"

"What the hell do you mean by that? It's probably your fault it's broken anyways!"

"Aha, balls no. You were the one that abused our only PS2 MEMORY CARD!" Why was he so pissed off anyways, I couldn't figure out what the hell he really wanted, he just suddenly started barking at me to fix things with the PS2 though the damn memory card had been corrupted when him and his little buddy had decided to come over and play games, and as usual, not even be respectful to other people's property. "You got some nerve, damn it. You're such a fucking cockwad."

"Yeah whatever, you broke it playing FFX so damn much!"  
"Get over yourself." I grumbled, messing around a little then checking with the game, "Come on save save save..." Failed.

Twitch.

My younger brother stared at me for a moment before looking back at the screen, as if wondering what went wrong then to quickly blame me for it. "If you say a damn word, I'll string you up by your testicles from the balcony." Not even a breath escaped him, I smirked to myself satisfactorily and continued on, again attempting then going ahead to try and figure if it could load a game from the memory card. Slowly raising a brow, I selected one and waited, meeting with frustration, a failed response. "How bout this one?" I mumbled, scrolling down a little and selecting another, knowing that this stupid attempt to load a game from a destroyed memory card was hopeless, though to my surprise, it actually worked, though what really got me was this quick little message that 'sprinted' across the screen.

'Welcome back, Xav.'

Glancing over to my brother, I growled, finding that he had once again abandoned me, to go do something else, instead of sharing my wonderment on how the game loaded from a corrupted memory card. And of course that strangely weird message that I had never.. ever.. seen before. Ever.

And why was I hearing Nefarious's voice? Really? Had the game evolved since I last played it? How long ago did I play it last? I couldn't remember.

"Greetings Xavier, you're going to work for me now! AHAHA!"

And now... Nefarious knew my name... and was saying I was going to work for him. "I think I'm smoking something..." I sighed, scratching my head a little before turning around, setting off to walk off and find my younger brother, though I found myself walking right into a grey and black robot with a basket of laundry. "Whoa, I didn't know mom got a robot to do our laundry.. wait..." I paused, about to pick into the laundry when it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks falling from the Empire State Building. "Aha! I am smoking something!"

"LAURENCE! What kind of smoke did you use on her?!" my ears were going to die... at this point.

"Dude, whoever you are, you do a great Dr. Nefarious but please tone it down a bit, you're going to break my ear drums here." both robots turned and looked at me for a moment.

"Are you sure this is the girl, sire?" asked the smaller one in black. I blinked, looking around in confusion as the tall one in blue, obviously the supposed Nefarious, looked from me to the small black robot.

"She has to be! Now let's begin our trek to exterminate the organic life forms!!!"

I raised my hand. "Excuse me, I'm organic, thank you." Another pause.

"LAURENCE!!!!!"

"DUDE! SHUT UP!" well that happened sooner than I thought, after the other robot's named escaped Dr. Nefarious, the taller robot suddenly stopped, his head crooked, what seemed to be a radio broadcast or something playing out of whatever made him speak, ... sound module I guess, the cogs and such in his brain jerking and not moving passed a certain point. I stared for a moment, before grumbling about this couldn't be more ridiculous. "This is frickin retarded..." yeah that also came out. As Laurence came over, sighing a little, with that

"You should really have someone take a look at that," comment, smacking Nefarious, who, continued on with a yell. I, on the other hand, didn't bother to stick around, bolting around looking for whatever exist I could, hearing Nefarious begin his maniacal laughter once again , I found myself suddenly struggling to stay awake.

"Run little lombax! You won't be awake for long!! AHAHAHA!" I was really about ready to pick anything up and chuck it at the blue robot, though this sleep was over coming me.

Wait. Did he say.. Lombax?

I stopped, turning my head around, struggling to see if I had a tail, and soon finding myself staring at a ball of fluff hanging about in front of my face. Aha! Someone was trying to play games on me! I knew it! No Lombax tail would be that high to hang the puff in front of my face! I think! I grabbed it, pulling on it, and painfully finding out, with a searing pain all throughout my tailbone area, that yes, Lombax tails could hang the end tuff of fur in front of my face. "Ah..ahhhh...." I whispered, trying to nurse my hurting tailbone with however I knew, though ended up just rubbing my ass and lower back around my tailbone.

And the more I breathed the sleepier I became. With the rather sudden and painful realization that I was indeed a Lombax, (of course needing more proof which lead to me grabbing my ears and hurting my head as well, stupid ears) I figured that at this moment, I was breathing in a Lombax sleeping gas that I could remember being in the game. Annihilation Nation made fun use of it making contestants fight while slowly being gassed until they eventually fell asleep and died. Crashing forward, I mumbled a little as my last pieces of sanity and consciences left me completely, lulling into a deep, dark, and dreamless sleep.

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**A/N: All right, hope you enjoyed, read and review please n.n and hope none of you guys cringed too much from the testicle threat... hehe anyways... R&R n.n**


	2. BioSuit?

**A/N: All right well after putting up this and putting in a note to my old one, the hits on my stories like.. tripled. Which is cool ;D makes me happy, and excited. People are looking at my crappy stories! XD Yes! And also, first reviewer :3 ****Grievousorvenom****; Thank you! I'm happy I has a reader. **

**Names collected for this one so it's not .. yeah that name.**** XD **

**-None  
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**Onwards with Xavvie's adventure!  
Xav: why sleeping gas...?**

**Tay: because~ n.n it seemed interesting.**

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Ugh, what was happening? I had slowly come back around, though refused to open my eyes, with a splitting headache. I knew I shouldn't've drank all that caffeine! It caused me to hallucinate and! This bad headache! "Hey! Little shit head bro! Can you help me?!" I yelled out, groaning a little as I started to roll over, though finding that I was not lying on carpet. Pushing myself up, I scowled, wondering what sort of prank the little fiend had pulled off this time, shaking my head a little. Dirt, grit, what else, I didn't know. As I slowly opened my eyes, I coughed a little, before just staring at the ground stupidly. Jerking my head around, I found myself staring at the partially destroyed buildings and what not of Veldin. "What the hell?" pushing myself up off the ground, I found myself spinning a little, getting a good 360 degree view of what was going on around me. Drops hips all over in the air, I could see the galactic rangers' ship, I could hear guns firing off. "UGHH!!!" okay now I was just going insane. First, I was somewhere with crazy psycho robot named Nefarious, and now I'm here in the midst of destruction on Veldin.

Looking around, I glanced back to the yellow tuff of fur or what not, grabbing it and yanking on it, jumping as I let out a loud screech. "Good God, I'm not dreaming. Shit, I hoped I was." Now I was again in a world of hurt... well not really but my tailbone area ached. Just as fast as I had pulled my tail, a little prick in my tailbone area and I stood there rather stupefied as the pain melted away. "Hmm.." smacking my ass, I yelped in surprise at the fact that not only was the pain gone, but so was all my feeling in that general area. "I can't feel my ass! What the fricking hell!"

Wait, what was this.. thing I'm wearing? What is it?! I pulled at a collection of what seemed to be mechanical stretchy fabric, raising an eyebrow at it. "What the fuck is this?!" I shrieked as I felt like some sort of mechanical thing, bars and little measuring boxes that showed off positions of things, a sudden image of what was on me appearing in front of my face.

"The BioSuit 9000 is state of the art armor for squishies. It absorbs most damage taken and will inject numbing solution and anti-venom as nee---" the computerized voice garbled out into a bunch of static, Though just be the squishy comment I knew it was Nefarious related.

"Great... Apparently... I don't know but... I'm wearing armor that Nefarious made... or had made... what the fuck... that's so wrong!!!" I shook my head a lot, scowling. "How am I working for Nefarious anyways?" Oh please don't tell me there's a collar around my neck like in Battle Royale... or DreadZone for that matter. Reaching up to my neck, I felt around for any sort of collar...

None.

So why was it assumed by Nefarious that I would work for him, as he so boldly stated earlier. "Now you work for me" Aha... Work for you my ass. I think. At the moment I was currently wearing a boisuit that the robotic psycho had created... and it definitely wasn't for some Tyhhranoid either.

"I want you to destroy Captain Quark." I jumped, looking around and seeing that I was somehow hearing Nefarious.

"I'd kill him anyways, what's with the suit?" really that big green guy dubbed Quark just pissed me off... a lot... so did Courtney Gears... I'd take my time in destroying her though... Well maybe not, she was liable to drive me insane. Quickly.

"I--"

"Never mind..." I groaned, rolling my eyes a little, feeling a strange pulling sensation as Nefarious disappeared from before my eyes. Turning, I spotted a little Tyhhranoid. "What do you want?" I questioned, perking a brow. Maybe they wouldn't hurt me... hopefully? He waved, letting out that little throaty kind of hi, before repeating that pulling sensation that I had felt earlier. And apparently the numbing had worn off, a little spark of pain rushing up my spine, making me hiss a little, my ears bolting up right. Swerving, I grabbed him up by the eye, growling. "What the fuck was that? Don't touch my tail! It's mine!"

"Pretty tail!" I stared at him for several moments, as if trying to comprehend why my tail would even be remotely fascinating to a Tyhhranoid, dropping the little bugger, bringing up my foot to smash the squishy-blob-like-creature-with-a-mouth-practically-being-its-whole-body right off the cliff.

"WHAT THE HELL IS PRETTY TAIL SUPPOSED TO MEAN YOU 'TARDED LITTLE FREAK?!" Now! It was time to go off and find something interesting to do, I decided, starting off, though finding myself again yelping, fur spiking up as something touched my tail... again. "Didn't I just drop kick your butt-ugly ass off the side of the--" I stopped, finding myself among a tiny collection of two Tyhhranoids. "No? This is my tail!" Please don't say it... Please...

"Pretty tail!" "Hi!" Well at least they both didn't say it, I stared at them rather stupidly as one waved, the other pointed at my tail.

"It's a tail! Get used to it! It ain't pretty!" Punting the pretty tail criminal off the cliff, I turned my gaze to the other one. "Obviously you're not on my side, and I'm not on yours." a slow, devilish smirk rose to my lips. I did wonder what other capabilities this biosuit thingie had, but maybe I could test that out later, or now, but hey, having something to play 'base-tyhhranoid' with would be fantastic.

Looking the tiny squash-y being up and down before me, the possibilities of slaughter filled my mind. I could cut him up, wait, but with what? Oh there was so many things!!

"Pretty tail!" Screw those ideas; I just wanted to get rid of him now.

"Whatever, you're fuckin dead!!" I screeched, the little tyhhranoid seeming to stare at me, blinking occasionally before moving to touch my tail. "DEAD!" I need to beat him to a bloody pulp, I needed to destroy him, I dunno, I just had to make this little thing suffer! I moved my tail out of the way before he could reach it, finding myself also fascinated by my own tail. I didn't know I could move it, much less by will! I thought it'd be plastic honestly, like this was some prank...

Well.. an amazing prank at that. I'll give props to whoever put this together, cause this was just great... so real, I could actually through little fleshy.. things off the edges of stuff, not that I got to hear/see them go splat. Maybe there was a giant air thingie down there that caught them. I glanced over the edge, completely forgetting about my little tyhhranoid enemy, staring down into the whiteness wondering if I could jump down and get caught with this apparently uber cool air thingie.

Staring at it for a couple more moments, I shook my head, deciding that... eh, maybe jumping would be a bad idea... I didn't feel like leaving my life in the hands of something that could burst...and that little tyhhranoid had pulled my tail... again.

Sweeping around, I snarled, grabbing it up by its little eye tentacle like thing, swinging it around several times, screaming "BANZAI" as I released it, watching the little fleshy creature go flying off and suddenly get hit by a drop ship, and seemingly disintegrate. Ears slowly lowering, I stared wide-eyed at where the Tyhhranoid had ceased to exist. "Was that like.. a mini bomb or something?" I questioned aloud, tilting my head to the side slightly. "It just... went poof...well... more like... splat..."

Grinning, I turned around, closing my eyes to run the scene over and over in my head. "Awesome..."

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**A/N: well~! that's chappie two, I wanna know what you think, really~ I do. :3 mwahaha xD please? review~ Pweaseeeee? n.n**


	3. Technological Advances to NO WHERE

After the epic defeat of the tyhhranoid that had picked a bad time to mess with anything other than pulling its eye thingie in communication, I had gone back to exploring. I tell you, the game itself left a lot out, but that's okay! Cause other than the destruction, and descents into nothingness of fog, most of what was missing was the people of Veldin, and living structures, and dead people 3. There were dead people, yes, and honestly I'm surprised that my stomach didn't twist more violently than it did. I blame my brother and my ex-boyfriend's grandfather. Though the thought of killing my brother now seemed amusing, that is until I realized I might not see him again. Who knows, I could die, or never return to my room and amazing cinnamon roles and NOODLES OF GODLYNESS!

Oh how the thought of the fact that this seemed like a dream was far too appealing, but the pulling on my tail and annoying buzzing from this biosuit that Nefarious hooked me up with was far too annoying for it to be a dream. That and the fact that my tail caused enough pain when I pulled it earlier. Oh right, and Nefarious's laugh was... mmmmmmmm much more maniacal and his screeching much more robotic and annoying when he screeched "LAWRENCE'... indeed, ear splitting.

"Hey! You!" I heard something new, a mechanical voice of one of those rangers that seemed to die but constantly come back repeatedly in the game only for him to die again after screaming, 'WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!' but maybe not soon enough before Ratchet saved his ass. I'd have to do something about that otherwise be haunted by Galactic Rangers who's best skills were running away. Whipping around, I stared for a moment, mouth forming into an 'o' as I forced a grin. "We had the living citizen's evacuated, how're you still here? No ships have been allowed to dock since the Tyhhranoid attack!"

Well didn't he just get wimpier as he spoke, his voice pitching higher towards the end where he spoke of the Tyhhranoid attack. "Well what does it look like?" I growled, pulling at my biosuit before pulling out the amazing ninja-sword weapon that I had so awesomely discovered moments before, which ended up being really cool when it shot out of my suit somehow. Cut a tyhhranoid in half and I was in love. You know the double sided ninja weapon that was in Annihilation Nation and later in game, double sided laser weapon of awesome. Just like a lightsaber, but COOLER. And mine was sexy orange. Yummy.

"Hey, we need to get this citizen out of here, get the drop ship and pack her onto it."

Jaw dropping, I stared as the ranger completely ignored me and was turning to talk to another ranger about me. NO! I'd just have to buzz cut him, if that were even possible... sad. Though the second ranger was cut off right as he was about to speak, little 'chuchu' or whatever sounds going off, I have no idea how to describe those ghastly little green Tyhhranoids that bit and had guns.

"...How do they even shoot those things...?" I pondered, stepping back as one of the larger, purply-ugly Tyhhranoids stepped out. I don't remember any of this! Why! ... Stupid game makers... this world is so different than what you portrayed, you betrayed me!

"GRUUUARRRR!" My face fell as one ranger squawked and crumbled to pieces. They really were as stupid now as they were in the game. Oh this was great... Twisting my ninja-laser in my hand, I brought it back before chucking it at the non-sensical three-eyed annoyance, raising an eyebrow as it stood there, about to shoot but seeing this object come hurling at them, obviously since two of their three eyes followed it, before the weapon struck the tyhhranoid down, and my heart sank in disappointment. Well he could've presented more of a challenge instead of STANDING THERE, watching as his DEATH came FLYING at him. That was so disappointing... really...

Running forward to retrieve my weapon, I jumped over a couple two-eyed buggers before snatching the weapon off the ground, dropping down as two shots came flying by my head. "Phew... that was close..." Wouldn't it be cooler if I could just so something other than run around, throw stuff, and dodge? Sure, but what choice did I have...

Watching the two-eyed freaks coming towards me, I scowled, before gritting my teeth and looking around, before looking back at them. "Oh how I wish I could do the boomerang thing like Ratchet..." the words came out mumbled and grumbled, the biosuit's neckline twisting a little before a small thing popped out, lifting then curling around my ear, crawling through my fur, ending with placing a little piece right by my eye before a small screen buzzed to life. Man that was just freaky, I didn't even still have time to get used to the suit muchless the uberly more sophisticated technology and it was still doing shit! Looking through the screen, I found that it was a little nicer, dulling out some of the light and showing off some of the functions that the biosuit could do, as of now.

Which was nothing that I didn't already know about. I think.

Though there was this weird magnet looking thing, I just had no recollection of it in the Ratchet and Clank games at all. But I had a problem right now, trouble shoot later! As the Tyhhranoids came towards me, I jumped back before doing what I did before, hurling my ninja-laser at them.

And suddenly the magnet made sense, the tiny icon suddenly glowing before the weapon came flying back towards me. I WAS A MAGNET? The bloodied parts of the Tyhhranoids laid scattered as I ducked then ran from my own weapon, screaming bloody murder for fear that if I didn't run or catch it just right, I'd end up shish-kobobbed just like the Tyhhranoids. This wasn't fun! Glancing backwards, I yelped again and found my system pumped up with some more adrenaline only to suddenly slam into something, slumping to the ground as I groaned in pain, rubbing my forehead and new pricks of pain as my biosuit decided that I needed to be numbed up. Extra control of body needed now, but wait, where was my weapon?

Looking around, I didn't see it flying anywhere, and a slight clearing of a throat caught my attention as I whipped my head around, only to realize I had just slammed into a Galactic Ranger while Ratchet had been talking to them.

And Ratchet was holding my weapon.

"Whoops...?" I grinned at him, making a failure of an attempt to stand up, the simple task becoming much harder as numbness swept through my body.

"Hey, Ranger245, I thought we had this girl evacuated!"

"I'm sorry!" the accused ranger yelped quickly, holding up his hands in defense. "Ranger 392, escort this girl to the drop ship so we can get her out of here!" I looked around wildly, confused for a moment before it suddenly made sense. But no! I had to be here! I had to play out the game and gain their trust so that I could get close enough to Quark to kill him, just so he wouldn't be so annoying later! MUST!

"Hey wait but lemme uh.." I started out, looking around as I stumbled around like an idiot, the feeling that there was no ground I was standing on becoming an extreme nuisance, "Can I get my weapon back?"

"Weapon?"

"SHE HAD A WEAPON?"

"Uh, yeah." I scratched the back of my head, smiling a little, nervously.

"It's right here." I unwittlingly flinched as Ratchet spoke for the first time, apparently having been previously occupied by examining my weapon before he tossed it towards me.

"OH THE TYHHRANOIDS ARE LAUNCHING A FULL OUT ATTACK, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" one ranger screamed, throwing his arms into the air, my jaw dropping at the sudden noise that bombarded my ears.

"Not on my watch."

STILL NOT COMFORTING WORDS, but thank you for calming the Rangers Ratchet, even though they screeched anyways.

"... I need to kill something..." growling in irritation, I stomped off ahead, excluding myself from the group now, though as I was about to slash through something, a wrench flew passed me, knocking it back before somehow killing it. Glancing back, I scowled. "How does that even kill anything?"

"Secret." as the male grinned, I rolled my eyes. "Name's Ratchet."

And if I didn't know that I'd be a damned moron.

"The girl seems quite emotionally unstable, and quite uncoordinated." Oh shit, I had forgotten about that stupid robot!

"It's Xavier..." I muttered, though the rest of my words died as I found myself tripping over a hole I hadn't seen, nor felt with my numb body, planting my face right into the ground. "FUCK YOU ALL!"

"Her emotional levels are quite erratic."

"Uhh..."

Could this get any worse...?


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